well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
