I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
