I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
