He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
