I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
