dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
