I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ugly people sure do ruin things
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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