Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
