every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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