What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
