As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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