So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
