OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize