It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
