Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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