We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize