and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
