Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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