mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
