I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
