its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
