I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize