Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize