Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
