Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
