We're facebook friends in real life
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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