Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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