it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
