I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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