thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
