I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
