Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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