Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
