I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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