ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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