i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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