So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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