wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have post one night stand depression
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
