TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Blood and glitter go together right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
