I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
