Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
