I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
