Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
