he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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