lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
