put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
