I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize