You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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