in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
