I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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