Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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