Me. At least after what I've been through.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
