it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
