Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
