This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
