i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize