i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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