I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
