Plan B is the new Plan A
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
