Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
