Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
