If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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