HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize