What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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