The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
