He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
