we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
