you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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