I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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