Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
