I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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