you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
