one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
