You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize