She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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