I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
